If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
