Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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