Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
