she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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