I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
