Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
