dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
