Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
