hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
