He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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