the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
