just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
