Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
