and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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