i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
