But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
