I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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