FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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