Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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