wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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