I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
