Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
