She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
