OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was like eating out sand paper
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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