I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
