Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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