Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
