So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
