my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
