i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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