theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
