i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
