someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
