You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I intend to get homeless drunk
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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