you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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