First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
