I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I lost the right to judge tonight
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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