non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
