When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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