I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
