Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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