I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
