You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
