Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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