I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
