I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
