So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
