They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
