You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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