I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
