I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
