am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
