mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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